


almost speechless

by iridescence (10softbot)



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Blow Jobs, Friends to Lovers, Fucking, M/M, Mutual Pining, Porn With Plot, Road Trips, Sharing a Bed, Summer, but it's light plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:21:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24503032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/10softbot/pseuds/iridescence
Summary: “Are you going to stand there,” Jacob’s voice drops as he leans in to almost whisper in his ear, “or are you going to move?”Summer storms are the worst, and Kevin thinks he might just die.
Relationships: Bae Joonyoung | Jacob/Moon Hyungseo | Kevin
Comments: 37
Kudos: 491





	almost speechless

**Author's Note:**

> this got out of hand very quickly. i don't know how this keeps happening literally every time i try to write something short. this is like... 6k past my intended wc goal. well. that's what i get for hyperfixating on this au. if you see any typos pls pretend you didn't see it, i'm jared 19 and horrible at this beta reading thing. ANYWAY! mb nation! enjoy!
> 
> don't repost or translate without permission, you know the deal

Kevin knows something bad is going to happen the second light raindrops start hitting the windshield of their rented car. He’s not psychic and doesn’t have a sixth sense – much to Jacob’s dismay, who insists he is, in fact, psychic, – it’s just that he is very, _very_ unlucky.

Light rain turns to pouring that turns into a proper storm, and as his fingers grip tightly onto the steering wheel, Kevin prays Jacob will absolutely not stir awake just yet. It is already bad enough that he can barely see anything ahead of them with how hard rain falls; he certainly doesn’t need Jacob’s worried inquiries every other second adding to the stress.

Not that he would blame him; Kevin would never blame Jacob for anything other than breaking his dorm window with a rock at two in the morning on year three of college because he was drunk and Kevin, asleep, wouldn’t reply to his texts.

On the other hand, Jacob could very well be a source of comfort in stressing times like this, as he has been so many times before, but the uncertainty gnaws horribly at his stomach, so he figures it’s best to keep his mouth shut for now. The radio is starting to cut off, signal choppy with the heavy rain, and he regrets not giving the aux cable to Jacob when he had the chance to.

He knew driving at night wouldn’t be a good idea, but it’s their senior year and he really can’t find it in him to ditch his thesis for longer than necessary – the fact that he is allowing himself to even be dragged away by their friends for the weekend is extraordinary in on itself. Now, as he slows down to a not so fast speed to avoid causing accidents on the road, Kevin knows that he should’ve just listened to his gut feeling to drive early on Saturday morning.

And because good news always travels alone but one disaster always follows the next, he knows it is especially bad when the car rolls to a complete stop in the middle of a dirt road despite his foot still hitting the gas. There is something dramatic in the way his forehead hits the steering wheel in frustration when he groans, in the way the windshield wipers are still trying to make things just a tad bit clearer for him and the clap of thunder that follows when the car engine completely dies out.

Of course, that is the exact moment Jacob stirs awake from his nap, the back of his hand coming up to dab at the corner of his mouth where drool had started to collect. Kevin’s heart hurts just a little bit to see his swollen face and how confused he seems as to why they’ve stopped moving.

“Are we there already?” Jacob’s voice is almost a whisper, so small with sleep Kevin wants to reach out and lull him back to dreamland just so he doesn’t have to face the horrible reality that is their situation right now.

Jacob, however, is slowly starting to come to it.

“No,” Kevin says with a heavy sigh. “It’s storming outside.”

He says it like it isn’t obvious, like the raindrops hitting the roof of this stupid rented sedan don’t sound like rocks hitting metal, like he would ever be hunched over the steering wheel like he is right now under any other condition.

“I think we’ll be a bit late to the party,” he adds, trying to smile but failing to do so when he tries to ignite the engine again and all it gives him is a pathetic cough before it dies down again.

“Is it something we can fix?” Jacob sits up straight in the passenger’s seat, trying to rub sleep off his eyes while also trying to keep himself warm with the absence of a heating system doing that for him.

Kevin sighs again, this time longer and deeper than before.

“Unless we’re suddenly mechanics, I don’t think we can,” he tries the engine again just to get his point across.

Another clap of thunder startles Jacob fully awake. As he looks out the window, the situation finally seems to down on him. He pouts, then frowns and then nods, mostly to himself than to Kevin. He looks for his phone in his seat, having placed it between his thighs – not that Kevin stared – before dozing off god knows how many hours ago.

When he pouts again, Kevin knows nothing good is about to follow.

“No service,” Jacob states simply, locking his phone again with a light huff, jaw immediately locking into place.

“I’m sorry,” Kevin apologizes even though it’s not his fault that the car decided to break down halfway through the trip or that the sky has decided to fall down on them like they are in the middle of an apocalypse. “We need to get out of here before we freeze our asses off.”

Jacob nods. “We need to get somewhere safe and with enough reception for us to make calls, I can call the insurance company and you can call everyone to let them know there have been some setbacks. Did you happen to see any place we could stop at on your way here?”

There was a gas station and a roadside motel about ten miles ago, when it was still drizzling and the world wasn’t pitch black like it is now – it makes Kevin wonder if this really isn’t the end of the world coming, because it doesn’t seem very possible for things to change like that so quickly.

He tells Jacob as much, and it only takes Jacob a few seconds of thinking before he is shoving his phone in his underwear and stepping out of the vehicle and into pouring rain.

“Are you _insane?!”_ he yells, watching as Jacob makes his way to the trunk of the car and opening it.

“We can’t stay here!” Jacob yells over the loud sound of rain and thunder, taking both their backpacks out of the trunk and hanging them over his shoulder. “Come on, we have some walking to do!”

It’s a bit ridiculous just how easily Kevin lets himself be led into heavy rain just like that, but he figures there isn’t much he can do when things aren’t looking so bright for the time being for the two of them. He doesn’t even have the energy to complain when he steps out of the car straight into a puddle of mud that goes almost halfway up his calf.

The thing Jacob forgets to mention is just how hard it is to walk on mud when you have someone clinging to your side at all times – that someone being Jacob himself, startled every time thunder roars through the sky, not confident enough to keep walking ahead when Kevin’s emergency flashlight won’t shine further than two feet away from them.

Kevin is sure they are going to get murdered. Kidnapped, at the very least, because one does not simply walk outside in the dark like they are doing right now, with no means of communication and no signs of civilization to be seen. He is sure they are going to get jumped on and no one will ever even know what happened to them, all because they didn’t wait until the morning to go on a goddamn road trip.

He is tired. They both are, really, but at least Jacob got to sleep for most of the trip while Kevin was busy driving, and now that he isn’t anymore exhaustion is starting to settle in his bones. The longer they walk the further they seem to get from their destination, even when Kevin is sure they are definitely not walking in the opposite direction. His legs are starting to ache, his hair matted to his forehead, drenched in rain from head to toe.

By the time they finally start seeing the neon lights of the motel, they are both certain to fall sick in no time, teeth chattering as shivers run through their bodies in a miserable attempt to keep themselves warm.

“This was a terrible idea,” Kevin groans over the chattering of his teeth.

Jacob presses cold fingers to his lips, an attempt to shut him up.

“We’re almost there,” Jacob’s voice wavers just as bad as his own. “Save your energy to complain once we’re dry and warm.”

Which he does. Even as they step into the motel, promptly ignoring the concerned looks of the girl working the front desk, as they are told with the most apologetic look that all the rooms with two separate beds are taken, as Jacob tells the girl with a wide smile that that’s okay because they are just spending the night.

Kevin’s heart is probably going to fall out of his fucking ass, or something.

Nevermind the years he’s spent swallowing down his growing feelings so far, or the weird sublime flirting that seems to go on and off between them, or that one time they got drunk at Sangyeon’s and fucking Sunwoo dared them to kiss in a stupid game of spin the bottle.

Nevermind that Kevin really fucking wants them to be something else but doesn’t quite know how to say it, can’t really tell if Jacob wants it as well or if he is just fucking around with him and stringing him along.

Logically, he doesn’t think Jacob would do something so despicable like that. His brain, however, doesn’t seem to know that at times.

“You can shower first,” Jacob says as he stands by the door instead of making his way into the room, trying not to drip water all over the beige carpet. “You deserve to get to rest sooner than I do.”

Kevin doesn’t give himself much time to think – about the single bed against the wall, about how cramped the room feels, about Jacob’s clothes clinging to his body, about the stuttering pace of his heart. He makes a straight line for the bathroom, backpack heavy on his shoulder as he shuts the door behind himself with a soft click.

It feels like the cold rain water is starting to seep into his bones, making him shiver as he undresses in front of the mirror above the sink. He is a mess, to say the least, and it’s no wonder the front desk girl gave them such a funny look – it was definitely because of him, because Jacob did not look as bad as his reflection in the mirror.

Kevin wonders how long he can keep going without completely giving himself away or just simply breaking. It feels like his sanity is fraying at the edges, his feelings choked down his throat every time they so much as threaten to spill over his lips.

As he steps into the cramped shower and hot water sprays over his head, he wonders if he is just reading things wrong. The subtle flirting, the way Jacob seems to act so different around him than when he is with everyone else, the stares that linger for a second too long. The last thing he wants is to be projecting his own feelings into Jacob’s actions—but then what if he _isn’t_ projecting?

He would probably lose his mind.

It already feels like he is losing his mind.

It’s just that he doesn’t want to fuck up, it’s simple as that. He doesn’t want to slip and lose what they have now – the easy chatter, the light touches, the comfortable existing. Kevin feels the most comfortable around Jacob, feels like he can be himself with no bars held, and he doesn’t want to watch that slip through his fingers as quickly as the droplets of water coming from the shower do right now.

He also doesn’t want to make Jacob uncomfortable by any means, in case he is just reading everything wrong. He’s not exactly going paranoid, but he sure wishes he could just tell with certainty just what the hell is going on between them.

Fresh clothes and warm hoodie on, he sighs heavily one last time before unlocking the door to step back into the room.

He finds Jacob further in now, hanging around by the edge of the queen-sized bed, and Kevin feels like he is living a hidden camera prank or some shit like that. It feels like his house is being set on fire and there is no window for him to jump from and save himself, and it’s all because Jacob is ridding himself of his drenched clothes with no fucking shame, and Kevin—

Well, he doesn’t know what to fucking do.

He is frozen in place, unintentionally _staring_ as Jacob pulls his shirt over his head, and he can’t even think to tell himself to shut the fuck up when he blurts a very shocked, “uh, what are you doing?”

And Jacob looks up like he’s moving in slow motion, like he couldn’t hear the loud clicking of the bathroom door opening, like he wasn’t aware at all that Kevin is standing under the doorframe and can see everything. It shouldn’t matter that he can see every line and curve of Jacob's body with how long they’ve been around each other by now, it’s just that…

It’s just that Kevin is extremely hyperaware now, and he wants to _touch._

He wants to run a hand through Jacob’s wet hair, his skin, feel his muscles work under his fingers. He wants to hold him by the chin and bring him into a kiss, wants to maybe fall in bed with him and wrap his legs around his torso—his torso that is now fucking bare for him to see. Kevin thinks his brain is starting to catch on fire.

Jacob pouts – _pouts!_ – like he doesn’t understand the question, and Kevin can’t tell if he genuinely doesn’t or if he’s just messing with him.

“Getting rid of my wet clothes…?” Jacob answers with a tilt of his head to the side. Kevin’s heart doesn’t know whether to slow down or to speed up.

He starts walking towards the bathroom and Kevin panics. He doesn’t know what to do – he can’t step back into the bathroom when Jacob is charging for it, but he also doesn’t trust himself to keep walking without looking like a freak. He shouldn’t even be freaking out, but he can barely stop his eyes from wandering past Jacob’s shoulder line, panic rising in his stomach like fucking bile.

Kevin holds his breath. Jacob is too close now – Kevin can see the lines of his face more clearly, can see Jacob's brows furrow just slightly, can see his pout deepen. He can see the moment Jacob starts raising his hand to place it on his shoulder, and even through the thick cotton of his hoodie he can feel how cold his fingers are.

He kind of wants to take Jacob's hand in his.

“Are you going to stand there,” Jacob’s voice drops as he leans in to almost whisper in his ear, “or are you going to move?”

“Yeah, I—" he doesn’t even know what it is that he’s trying to say, doesn’t know where his feet are trying to take him when he jerks forward and away from Jacob’s touch, but he doesn’t really look back when he says, “uh, gotta go.”

It’s still raining outside, a thunderstorm that doesn’t seem to have let down even just one bit, but he doesn’t stop walking until he is at the front desk again and asking the same confused-looking girl if she would have an umbrella to lend him. He hopes no one will stare too hard at the butterfly-printed umbrella in his hand and his fucking slippers when he walks out of the motel and across the road to the gas station.

Kevin is sure his brain smells like fumes. He can’t take the image of Jacob drenched and fucking shirtless off his head as he walks into the small convenience store, can still hear his voice so close to his ear as he walks through the aisles, can’t seem to be able to tell his brain to just shut the fuck up for once. He is driving himself insane and Jacob seems to find fun in helping him out with his self-destructive mission.

There is no way Jacob doesn’t know. He _must_ know something.

Or maybe he is really just fucking insane.

He grabs a few cups of instant ramen and a couple bags of chips, aware that he is getting them no nutritional value whatsoever but it should be enough to get them going until morning comes, if anything. The cashier, an old man who looks like he would much rather be in his bed than out here during a storm, doesn’t even look up at him when he starts ringing the items Kevin drops on the counter.

And then Kevin looks a bit further to his left, and he ponders. He ponders if it will be weird if he stretches out his hand, if it will be weird if he lifts the small box of condoms off the rack to throw it in along with the snacks. He wonders if the man will give him any weird looks then, maybe raise his brow at him. More than anything, he wonders if he can even hide this from Jacob if all this really is just in his fucking head.

When he does it, the man still doesn’t lift his head to look at him, a “that will be twelve” muttered under his breath like he is about to fall asleep or, like, pass away. Kevin’s heart is beating hard in his ribcage when he slides the money over the counter and the man hands him a black plastic bag that feels so light and yet so goddamn heavy at the same time.

Maybe it’s just his guilty conscience.

Throughout the years, Kevin knows he made himself seem weird in many different ways and situations, but one thing he’s sure of: this one takes the cake.

As he hurriedly makes his way back to the motel, the bag seems to get heavier with each step he takes, his heart beating as loudly in his ears as the thunderstorm in the sky. He’s breathing heavily and he knows it’s not because he’s tired, and he really needs to find a way to psych himself down before he gets the chance to walk back into his and Jacob’s shared room.

Twisting the doorknob to the room, Kevin prays Jacob is still in the shower somehow. He knows it is nearly impossible for him to be, that Jacob wouldn’t take this long, but that’s the only way he will have the chance to hide his stupid impulse shopping in his backpack.

God must have other plans for him tonight, it seems, because when he opens the door to the room, he finds Jacob fucking shirtless still, only now he is fresh out of the shower and not drenched in rain. Not only is he shirtless, he still has his towel wrapped around his waist, droplets of water running down his back as he rummages through his backpack, likely for a fresh set of clothes he didn’t bring into the bathroom with him for some reason.

Kevin knows he is staring again. This time, he catches himself before his brain-to-mouth filter stops working and he says something stupid. When Jacob looks at him, Kevin thinks Jacob can see right through him.

“You’re back?” it’s not a real question, Kevin knows he doesn’t need to answer this because Jacob can see him standing in the room, but his lips still twitch with the ghost of a reply. Jacob averts his eyes to his backpack again and then he’s pouting _again,_ and Kevin doesn’t know how much longer he can keep doing this. “This sucks.”

Kevin’s heart skips a beat. “What does?”

He doesn’t answer. With a heavy sigh, he takes his backpack into the bathroom, closing the door behind him once again. Before he sends himself into complete paranoia, Kevin hurries to shove the stupid box of condoms – that must weigh about a million pounds now – into his backpack. His heart is beating so fast and so hard in his chest it almost feels like it is trying to break his ribcage – or give him a heart attack.

When Jacob comes out again, he is dressed in shorts and a light tee, his hair not quite brushed but somehow still in place. With the way he rubs his hands at his forearms, Kevin knows that is nowhere near a warm enough choice of clothing after everything they’ve been through, though it also doesn’t seem like he had any other choice.

“I’m so cold,” Jacob pretty much _whines,_ throwing himself in bed face down. Kevin doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do – he doesn’t have any spare hoodies, doesn’t know if the bed covers are going to be enough to warm him up—maybe he should go talk to the front desk lady again? Until Jacob says, in the cutest and most demanding voice Kevin has ever heard him use, “come get in bed with me.”

Kevin does, simple and easy like that, like his heart isn’t threatening to stop beating, like the damn butterflies in his stomach aren’t trying to make him puke. Things are easy like that, Kevin toeing off his slippers and falling into bed as well, because it’s easy for them to fall into each other’s embrace, with him stretching out his arm for Jacob to slip in.

He can only hope Jacob can’t feel or hear the erratic beating of his heart, but then again, he doesn’t want to believe the other is that clueless to his feelings. Hyunjae had once told him he does a really piss poor job of hiding how he feels, and that was equally terrifying and a bit thrilling.

Because then it would mean Jacob must know something. Right?

And Jacob is so close now, cuddling into his side, pressing cold toes to his shins as he tangles their legs together. Kevin’s breath hitches when Jacob's hands find their way into his sweater and equally cold fingers press gently against his stomach. His skin is burning up, and it has little to do with the fact that he is the one wearing warm clothes out of the two of them.

Kevin stares. Again.

He can’t help but stare down at the top of Jacob's head as he finds the most comfortable position for himself, can’t help but stare still even as Jacob looks up at him, eyes twinkling and a smile ghosting the corners of his lips. Kevin wants to kiss him so bad, wants to feel Jacob's lips against his once again, wants to feel his breath fanning his face, so warm it’s almost suffocating.

Kevin hasn’t been able to forget how it felt like to kiss Jacob that one time, and he would sure do anything to live that moment once again.

It’s a bit unsettling, the way Jacob is now staring at him as well, the spark in his eyes unchanging, his expression unmoving. He looks like he wants to say something and Kevin wants to say a million things more, but words don’t come easy to him.

When it comes to Jacob, he is almost rendered speechless.

He brings his free hand up to brush Jacob's still wet hair away from his face. The color is still so new to him, the ash brown a nice change from the bleach job Eric convinced him to go through for almost half a year. It suits him, but then again Kevin is certain everything suits Jacob at this point.

Jacob can do no bad and no wrong in his eyes, and that should be at least a little concerning.

He isn’t concerned about it one bit.

“What is it?” Jacob breaks the silence, pushing himself further into Kevin’s space.

He can’t do this.

Kevin licks his lips, suddenly feeling a bit too nervous.

“Are you clueless?” his voice is barely there, afraid that if he’s too loud Jacob will push him away.

Jacob never does.

A beat of silence.

Then two.

He shouldn’t have said anything.

“No,” Jacob's voice drops when he answers too, and Kevin doesn’t know if his mind is playing tricks on him when he sees Jacob's eyes trail to his lips then back up to his eyes, the spark that was once there turning into something else. “I’m not.”

Kevin holds his breath. “Then why haven’t you kissed me?”

Jacob raises a brow, defiant, his lips tugging into a lopsided grin.

“Why haven’t _you_ kissed _me?”_

He can’t quite believe his ears. He leans in slow, testing the waters just to see if Jacob was serious or just fucking teasing him, and when Jacob doesn’t pull away Kevin can feel his heart stop beating. He is a hairsbreadth away from Jacob's face, can feel Jacob's breathing against his skin, could count his eyelashes if he wanted to. And Jacob is just sitting there, still, staring up at him much like he is staring down at him, waiting.

_Waiting._ Kevin is tired of waiting.

So he closes the gap, and Jacob still doesn’t move, still doesn’t pull back or pushes him away, and when their lips press together this time neither of them are drunk on endless shots of tequila or sugary sweet cocktails. This time Kevin is hyperaware of how Jacob's lips feel against his, how Jacob moves minutely with the beating of his heart, how he can’t stop himself from burying his fingers in Jacob's hair to pull him just a little bit closer.

This time, Kevin feels Jacob press back against him, feels every little movement his body makes, every flex of his finger on his stomach as he starts shifting his position to kiss him better. And, fuck, he has been waiting for this moment for so fucking long his head starts to spin, breath caught in his throat as their lips press together, hard and potentially bruising.

Kevin is the first one to pull back, breathing heavily when he whispers a very husky “what the fuck” against Jacob's lips, laughter threatening to bubble up his stomach when Jacob tries to chase his lips.

“I think you’re the clueless one,” Jacob mumbles, placing a kiss to the corner of his lips, under his jaw, tongue flicking over his earlobe.

Kevin’s entire body feels like it is about to combust into fucking flames, because he can’t process the fact that Jacob is actually kissing him back, that he is propping himself up and over his body, knees caging his hips as he now hovers over him. There is something so goddamn breathtaking in the way Jacob looks on top of him, looking down, eyes glazed and cheeks flushing the prettiest shade of pink.

God, he can’t fucking believe Jacob is _blushing_ right now, a smug smile on his lips as he leans in to kiss him again. Now it’s not just a press of their lips; Jacob run his tongue across the seam of his lips and Kevin parts way too easily for him, a breathy sigh choked on the back of his throat when Jacob licks into his mouth.

Kevin can feel electricity buzzing at his fingertips when he curls his fingers on the back of Jacob’s neck to pull him closer and kiss him deeper, angling his head just about right for better access. There is a noise akin to a mewl that escapes Jacob's mouth that makes Kevin shudder, his other hand coming to grip tightly at Jacob's hip.

All he can feel is the taste of peppermint toothpaste that lingers on Jacob's tongue as they kiss, Jacob's tongue gliding like honey against his, Jacob's breath heavy against his face when Kevin deepens the kiss again and again and _again,_ the smell of Jacob's white musk soap driving him just a little bit crazy. _Crazier._ Kevin feels like he is losing his fucking mind.

Jacob's hands are still inside his hoodie when he lays on top of him, fingers still pressed firmly against his skin. He is gripping Kevin harder now, like Kevin is going to run away if he loosens his grip the slightest bit, and Kevin can’t even find the right words to say he isn’t going anywhere because he wants this just as bad as he does.

He wants to kiss Jacob until neither can remember their names or where they are, until they are breathless and their lips are bruised and covered in spit. He wants Jacob to kiss him until he forgets all about his stupid doubts if his feelings were ever mutual, because it is so clear to him now that he was the blind one all along.

All this time of him holding Jacob's hand and Jacob not pulling away, of Jacob slipping under his sheets in the middle of the night when they would stay up late cramming for an exam, of lingering looks and widening smiles—all building up to _this._ To Jacob on top of him, kissing him back and kissing him deeper, kissing him so stupid Kevin almost wants to laugh.

 _Almost,_ because he involuntarily grinds up against Jacob's crotch when his hands slide up his torso to brush his fingers against his nipples, and Kevin is suddenly _extremely_ mortified. He stops, fingers digging so deep into Jacob's skin he knows it must hurt, and when Jacob pulls away from his mouth his brows are set into a deep frown.

“What is it?” Jacob asks, voice low and breathy, his chest heaving against Kevin’s. When he leans in to kiss him again and Kevin turns his face away just slightly, he props himself up with a confused noise on the back of his throat. “Did I do something wrong?”

“I—nothing, it’s just—” he can hardly even look at Jacob right now without the image of him with his towel wrapped around his waist burning before his eyes, without feeling so stupidly horny he can’t even believe himself. He can feel his face heating up, his heart beating faster with just how flustered he suddenly feels. “I just—”

Jacob cocks his head, his lips curling into a smile. “Was seeing me almost naked not enough?” his voice is taunting, and even if it’s not the first time Kevin is seeing him acting like this, it still catches him off guard. “What else do I have to do for you to understand I want us to fuck?”

Kevin hopes that whoever finds his dead body from the heart attack he is sure he must be getting right now will just throw him in a ditch and leave him there. None of this can be real – there is no way Jacob is looking at him right now and simply telling him he wants to fuck. There is just no fucking way.

“This is a joke,” he blurts, heart beating hard in his chest. “Right? You’re joking with me right now?”

Jacob sighs, pushing himself up so he can sit on top of him instead, ass flush against Kevin’s dick. Kevin just knows Jacob can feel him getting hard, and he really wishes he would just die.

“It’s okay if you don’t wanna,” that is the exact opposite of what he wants, “I just need you to tell me. Talk to me. What do I have to do for you to believe me? Strip naked right now and suck you off? I’ll do it.”

“I want to,” he hurriedly says, if only to shut him up at once. “I’ve wanted this for _so fucking long,_ I just—”

Kevin doesn’t get to finish, what with the way Jacob just dips back in to kiss him again, with the way Jacob's hands are no longer just wandering with light touches. Jacob curls his fingers around the hem of his hoodie and starts pushing it up, up, _up,_ until the fabric in bunching under his armpits and they have to break the kiss again so he can pull it over his head.

He watches with hazy eyes as Jacob pulls his own shirt off, watches the way his muscles work under the shitty low lights of the room, the way he smiles again and smiles so wide Kevin can feel the air being punched right off his lungs. It’s unbelievable, he thinks, the position they are in right now. It’s quite unbelievable that the boy he has had a crush on for god knows how long is just so willing to fuck him right then and there.

The mere thought that Jacob might have feelings for him too is sending him into a spiral. Or maybe he doesn’t – maybe he really just wants to get laid, which will then hurt just a little bit but Kevin isn’t about to complain. He’s certainly not about to complain when Jacob's fingers trace over his stomach and fall on the elastic waistband of his sweats.

Things are happening both too fast and not fast enough. It feels like he is playing with time when Jacob bends down to press a soft kiss to his stomach and everything seems to slow down around him, only for things to speed up again when he starts pulling both his sweats and his underwear down.

Kevin can't really breathe – actually, he can, because he's breathing so fucking hard he's sure Jacob can hear it; he's sure of it when Jacob chuckles lightly against his skin, pressing his lips against his hipbone. Jacob is moving so slow, so painstakingly slow Kevin wants to scream, wants to pull at his hair and tell him to hurry up— for the sake of saving face, he doesn't, but he still allows his right hand to fall on Jacob's head, fingers threading through his still wet hair.

There is a soft hum that sits on the back of Jacob's throat when Kevin raises his hips to he can pull his clothes down that is driving him insane – or maybe it's the fact that Jacob is starting to nibble on the skin of his hips, he doesn't really know and it doesn't really matter. His body feels like it is being set ablaze, so warm it's almost suffocating.

"Wait," he breathes out, gripping Jacob's hair tightly to pull him up, but not tight enough for it to hurt. Jacob looks up at him, confused. "Wait, let me—"

His tongue is heavy in his mouth, words suddenly caught in his throat, and he can't bring himself to say the words. So Kevin tugs on his hair again, and this time Jacob comes back up, still looking very confused and also really fucking cute— god, it really feels like he is going to die tonight.

Kevin sits up and Jacob crawls over him, meeting him halfway for yet another kiss, not quite as deep and hurried as before but still enough that he hopes Jacob will understand what he's feeling right now. He flips their positions unhurriedly, pressing Jacob down on the mattress just as gently as Jacob had been handling him seconds ago. And he looks gorgeous like this, really, disheveled hair against the white pillowcase, his skin tinged the prettiest shade of pink that not even the bad lighting can ruin for him.

His hands are starting to shake a little but he moves with fluidity, gripping the waistband of Jacob's shorts and pulling it down with just as much ease as Jacob did with his sweats. He swallows down his nerves and any thought of how long he's been waiting for this, how long he dreamed of it only to wake up in the middle of the night with an uncomfortable boner. Jacob doesn't need to know how many times he's thought about getting his lips wrapped around his dick, but it's not like he plans on telling him anyway.

Kevin doesn't allow his brain to process the fact that Jacob is fully naked in front of him right now, that he's watching him with half-lidded eyes, that he's just pliant under his hands. If he thinks about it too hard, he knows he's gonna start overthinking, and that's the last thing he needs right now. Right now he just needs to cover Jacob's skin with kisses, just needs to let him know how badly he wants this.

And that is exactly what the does. He places the first kiss right in the middle of his chest, over his sternum, and even if he's not kissing over his heart, he can still feel how hard it's beating— just as hard as his. It's enough encouragement for him to keep going, Jacob's hand coming to rest on the back of his neck as he kisses his way down his chest and over his stomach. Kevin can feel Jacob shudder under him when his tongue circles around his navel, his breath hitching when Kevin nibbles on the skin right below it.

It really feels like his heart is going to stop beating when he wraps his fingers around the base of Jacob's dick and Jacob spreads his legs wider for him, a sigh that almost sounds like a whine escaping his lips as he does so. As Kevin flicks his wrist once, twice, slowly getting Jacob harder, he really hopes this isn't some kind of fever dream of his, that Jacob really is this turned on under him.

How can it not seem real when Kevin can feel how warm he is in his hand as his dick swells, when he can hear every little noise that leaves Jacob's lips, when he can see every twitch of Jacob's muscles as he tries to settle in bed. Kevin wonders what it is that Jacob wants to do when he twists the bedsheets in his hand and digs his fingers into his nape but doesn't say anything.

Maybe he wants Kevin to hurry, maybe he wants him to stop – he can't really tell, so he tries. He lowers his head and places a kiss on the tip of his dick, licks over the slit and the noise Jacob makes is _glorious._ It's the green light Kevin needs to tighten his fingers around the base and take Jacob's dick in his mouth.

There is something about feeling Jacob harden against his tongue that turns Kevin on to no end. Maybe it's the knowledge that he is the one to get him like this, horny and breathy, bordering a little desperate. He swirls his tongue around the head, pleased when he feels Jacob's thighs quiver under him. Kevin hums, taking him a little deeper, enjoying the stretch of his lips around the girth of his cock.

Jacob's dick is the right amount of thick and long to fit in his mouth without making him gag when he slides down to the base and the tip hits the back of his throat. When he pulls back to breathe, spit drips from his mouth and over his fingers and Jacob's dick, now red and pulsing in his hold. Kevin looks up at Jacob's face and finds him staring back with unreadable eyes, lips slightly parted and covered in spit.

"Is this okay?" he asks despite his heart trying to leap out of his chest.

"Kevin," Jacob breathes out, his eyes fluttering close and his tongue running over his lips. "I swear I'm going to cause problems if you stop now."

Kevin laughs at his bluntness but is more than happy to oblige, makes himself comfortable between Jacob's legs and takes him in his mouth once again. Kevin can feel the tension on his shoulders dissipate as he goes down on him again, breathing through his nose as he bobs his head in slow drags.

Jacob moves his hand on the back of his neck to the back of his head, twisting his hair between his fingers and letting the weight of his hand push Kevin down deeper and deeper. It's nice, the sting on his scalp and the stretch of his lips, the weight of Jacob's dick on his tongue and the way Jacob can't seem to stay still for the life of him.

And he's so fucking hard himself, his dick pressed between the mattress and his stomach, but more than getting himself off he wants to make Jacob come. He picks up his pace, hollowing his cheeks when he pulls back and humming when he slides back down, letting saliva spill from the corners of his mouth to dribble down the length of Jacob's cock.

Kevin knows by the way his hips stutter as Jacob tries not to thrust into his mouth that he desperately wants to get off too - which is why he is confused when Jacob pulls him by the hair and completely off his dick, and involuntary whine rolling off his tongue when he does so.

"Hold on," Jacob is panting, eyes shut as he tries to catch his breath. When he looks at Kevin again, there is fire in his eyes, the corners of his lips tugging down just a bit. "I really want us to fuck, but I don't have any condoms on me right now."

Kevin presses his lips into a thin line, his face feeling like it's on fire just with the thought that Jacob really is about to fucking witness him get the small box of condoms out of his backpack. His legs feel like they weight three times his bodyweight when he climbs off bed, head heavy as he bends down to unzip his bag and wrap his fingers around the blue box.

"Don't comment," he says as he throws it to Jacob, who easily catches it with both hands. "Please don't say anything, or else I _will_ die."

Jacob doesn't say anything, but the teasing smile on his lips is worth more than a thousand words. Kevin knows he won't comment on it but that he is dying to, dying to tease and possibly embarrass him to death— but he has other plans in mind, and it's obvious in the way he sits up in bed and tears the small box apart. He shakes the strips of condoms and lube over the bed and tosses the box aside, patting the mattress for Kevin to come over.

Which he does, limbs heavy and all, because he's not going to stop now that they're already here, even if his entire body feels like it's on fire from embarrassment. Jacob wastes no time to kiss him again, one hand on the back of his neck and the other on his hip, pressing their bodies so close Kevin can feel every curve of his muscles against him, Kevin's hands coming up to cup Jacob's cheeks and angle his head just right.

There aren't enough words in his vocabulary to describe the feeling of Jacob's dick sliding against his or to be slowly pressed down the mattress, of how Jacob's hands, rough from years of doing sports and playing the guitar, still feel so soft against his skin.

"Is it okay if we do it like this?" Jacob whispers against his lips, rocking his hips against him so slow and steady that the laughter that bubbles up Kevin's chest turns into a moan.

Kevin pulls away, just enough so he can look Jacob in the eyes. "Are you asking me if I mind bottoming? Because I don't."

Jacob chuckles lightly, head dropping to the crook of his neck. He trails kisses from his neck to his shoulder – simple press of the lips that turn unto open-mouthed ones, his tongue like molten lava against Kevin's skin.

"Have you done this before?" his words are muffled by the skin he presses all the way back to Kevin's neck and up under his jaw.

"We're in college," a non-answer is the best Kevin can give him, because he really doesn't want to think about the times he had been with other people— when all he could think about how none of them were him.

"Aren't you going to ask the same for me?" Jacob flicks his tongue over his earlobe, making him shiver.

"It doesn't matter," it really doesn't, and he also doesn't want to know. "We're here now. I want to focus on the now."

That is enough to shut him up and Kevin is glad. Jacob pulls away only long enough to reach for the foiled packets, ripping one of each and tossing the rest over to the bedside table. Kevin watches with bated breathing as Jacob rips open the packet of lube with his teeth and coats his fingers, as he nudges at his knees for him to spread his legs wider so he can fit comfortably between them.

Kevin almost loses his fucking mind when Jacob pushes his legs up for him to hold, too horny to even feel embarrassed about being exposed like this. He bites his lower lip and holds his breath when the tip of a finger presses against his rim, trying to act like that alone isn't enough to drive him absolutely crazy.

Jacob stretches him attentively and thoroughly, placing gentle kisses on his inner thighs when he pushes in to another knuckle, to which Kevin moans every time because he can't quite believe just how good his thick fingers feel inside him. Jacob works a single digit until Kevin is moaning and quietly asking for more, trying to get him to keep moving before he _actually_ fucking loses it.

A digit turns to two and Jacob scissors him open, rubs the pads of his fingers against his walls just to get him to moan, a teasing smile on his lips whenever Kevin dares to glance down at him. Two turns to three and Kevin is so fucking desperate for more, feeling full but not quite— even if it feels good it's not enough. Jacob stretches him until he's breathing heavily, until he can see Kevin's nails dig into his thighs as he keeps his legs up for him.

When Jacob pulls his fingers out, Kevin doesn't even have it in him to complain, because then he is reaching for the condom and rolling it on his dick. Jacob presses the tip of his dick against his rim, not hard enough to breach but enough to make him hold his breath and anticipate the stretch.

When he presses a hand next to his head and leans down to kiss him again, Kevin swears he could cry right then and there.

"Tell me if it's uncomfortable or if you want to stop," Jacob says against his lips. "At any given time, okay?"

"Don't worry too much," Kevin breathes, hooking a leg around his hips in an attempt to get him to hurry.

The sting of the stretch of his rim around Jacob's dick when he pushes in is almost mind-numbing, his eyes fluttering shut and his chest trembling when he takes a deep breath in. Jacob doesn't give him time to adjust to the initial stretch, only stops pushing in once his dick is buried all the way to the hilt, his wet hair brushing against Kevin's face when he hands his head low to catch his breath.

Kevin wants to curse. He wants to curse so bad because he feels so fucking full, and Jacob is so fucking _hot_ on top of him, trying hard not to move, trying to steady his breath and be patient as Kevin wraps his other leg around him, digging his heels on his lower back just to get him impossibly closer.

There is no getting closer than this, really, and it only makes Jacob collapse on top of him, and his skin is so warm now that it is a stark contrast to how cold he was when they first got into bed.

The _fuck_ that rolls off his tongue when Jacob rolls his hips is so hearty that he feels it in his bones, the motion making pleasure zip down his spine and all the way down to his toes. Kevin arches his back off bed, head tipping back when Jacob starts to slowly pull out and push right back in.

It's a slow pace that feels too good and yet not enough, Jacob's thrusting not deep enough. So he brings Jacob's face in his hands, kisses him deep and asks him to fuck him faster, fuck him deeper, and he finds Jacob all too happy to comply, but not quite.

Jacob does fuck him harder and deeper, his hipbones digging into his ass with every snap of his hips, but he doesn't pick up his pace. Instead, he drags it out as much as he can, watching Kevin with hazy eyes and the ghost of a smile on the corners of his lips. It drives him insane – it feels like the air is being constantly punched out of his lungs, the drag of Jacob's latex-covered dick against his walls making him shake with every move he makes.

It's insane. Not even in his wildest dreams Kevin could've pictured them in a position like this, with Jacob fucking him nice and slow into the mattress. He can feel _everything_ \- Jacob's dick throbbing in his ass, his muscles clenching where their bodies press together, his hard breathing against his face as they kiss.

Kevin is so hard it _hurts._ He releases Jacob's face to reach down for his dick but Jacob beats him to it, balancing himself on one arm and jerking him off with the other. It makes him moan so loud he is sure people in other rooms must've heard him, and Jacob laughs when he claps a hand over his mouth, the other reaching for the pillow under his head and twisting it into a tight fist.

And then Jacob _finally_ picks up his pace, his thrusts getting quicker and his hipbones hitting bruises on his ass, his wrist working just as fast as his hips. It's messy and there is no finesse to it but Kevin doesn't mind, especially not when Jacob thumbs at his slit and smears precum over his cockhead, or when he stops his movements just to spit into his palm and make his hand glide easier on his dick.

He's thought about this so many times – thought about Jacob's calloused fingers wrapped around him, getting him off, and nothing has ever felt as amazing as this. As Jacob kissing him again, tongue rolling over his as he swallows all of Kevin's moans, every noise he makes as he fucks him until Kevin can't think about anything else but him.

"Is this good?" Jacob asks, panting when he breaks the kiss. Kevin can already feel the coiling in his stomach getting tighter, can feel the numbing of his fingertips and his toes; he doesn't think he can get any words out. With a particularly rough flick of his wrist, Jacob says, "do you like it like this?"

And Kevin wants to tell him to shut up, to just stop talking before he dies, but all he manages to say between moans is, "oh, my god, I'm gonna come."

He's not even embarrassed about it – this is Jacob's fault for getting him so riled up before so much as touching him, after all. The mismatched rhythm of his hand and his hips is throwing him off in the worst best way possible, and Kevin sees white when Jacob angles his hips just right and drills his cock right into his prostate.

 _"Fuck,"_ his moan is almost a yell, and no matter how hard he digs his heels into Jacob's lower back, he can't get any closer than he already is. His back arches off bed like a fucking bow, his thighs starting to shake with the buildup of his orgasm. "Oh, _fuck,_ Jacob—"

He is strung up so tightly when he comes he can't even feel his own body, cum spilling hot between Jacob's fingers and over his chest, pooling right below his navel and painting him sticky white. Jacob fucks him through his orgasm, fucks him until he is mewling with overstimulation and almost begging him to stop.

He doesn't want Jacob to actually stop.

He wants Jacob to fuck him until he is coming, too, until he can no longer keep himself up or keep the cocky smile he has on his lips right now any longer. The clenching of his walls around his dick seems to do it for him, because Jacob is starting to collapse on top of him, his thrusts getting shallow and slower again.

When he comes, it's with Kevin's name and a curse on his lips, his hips slowing down as he fucks Kevin through his own orgasm. Kevin can feel him spilling hot into the condom, the warmth in his ass making his head spin and his throat go dry. He weaves his fingers through Jacob's hair and pulls him into a gentle kiss, licking into his mouth to swallow every little noise he makes as he comes and comes and _comes._

Jacob fucks him until his dick starts going soft, and then he still completely, probably too overstimulated himself. He pulls out before he gets the chance to crush Kevin with his entire bodyweight, pulling the condom off and tying it with a knot as he gets off bed and starts making his way towards the bathroom.

Kevin just lies there, chest heaving as he stares up at the ceiling, body still feeling completely numb as he comes down from his post-orgasm high. He can hear the tap running then being turned off, can hear Jacob's feet padding lightly on the carpet, the bed dipping when he gets back in bed.

And then there is a wet towel being pressed against his body, wiping at his cum streaks and getting him clean, and when Kevin's eyes are able to focus again, he finds Jacob smiling down at him, soft and easy. His heart skips a beat.

“You good?” Jacob asks, setting the towel aside and lying next to him, stomach down so he can stare at him.

Kevin doesn’t want to think about how domestic this is about to feel.

“Yeah,” he answers, his throat dry, lips mirroring the smile on Jacob's lips. “Are you?”

Jacob's smile widens. “Couldn’t be better.”

Kevin can’t quite comprehend what in the goddamn hell just happened, really. The more he thinks about it, the more unlikely it sounds that they really just had sex like that. Though he figures his imagination can’t ever be as furtive as that, and the throbbing of his legs and the soreness of his ass can’t really let him believe it’s a lie.

“Are we good?” he asks, mostly because he just needs to know their friendship isn’t going to take a hit because of this. He can’t bear the thought of things being ruined between them just because they were stupidly horny.

Jacob props his chin in his hand, brows drawing into a frown as he stares at him.

“Do you think this was just a one-night-stand?”

Kevin clears his throat. “Was it not?”

“Do you have to be this dense?” Jacob sighs. “I broke your bedroom window because I couldn’t stay away from you.”

“Maybe I am a little stupid,” he chuckles, rubbing a hand over his face. “But you can’t blame me, I don’t know how to read minds.”

“Well, neither can I!” Jacob pouts, lying his head on his chest. He reaches for Kevin’s hand and places it over his head, a familiar gesture of him asking for comforting head scratches that Kevin is probably way too eager to give. “What else do I have to do for you to understand that I like you?”

Kevin stills for a moment. “Say that again?”

Jacob clicks his tongue. “I like you, Kevin. What the hell.”

There is warmth spreading in his chest as his body melts into the mattress, his heart beating hard but steady in his ribcage. He feels giddy in a way he hasn’t felt before, feels like he’s just won the lottery, but it’s better than that. He grabs Jacob by the chin and pulls him into a chaste kiss, smiling against him when he feels Jacob's body melt as well.

The silence that follows is comfortable between them, the only noise to be heard being the storm still happening outside and their breathing as they kiss, kiss, _kiss._ Kevin can’t get enough of this—can’t get enough of him, but it’s not like he’s trying to.

“We need to call the insurance company,” Jacob reminds him in a whisper, pressing his cheek against his chest once again. “We just left the car in the middle of nowhere.”

“Yeah,” his eyelids flutter close. He doesn’t want to think about that right now. “Give me a few.”

Jacob hums and doesn’t say anything else for a while. He brings a hand up to Kevin’s chest, finger tracing mindless patterns on his skin, and the gesture is so comforting Kevin can’t help but start dozing off.

But then Jacob says, “I didn’t know I turn you on so much,” and Kevin can’t help but push him away, his face burning with the embarrassment he tried so hard to bury deep down his chest. Jacob's laughter fills the room, probably the best thing Kevin’s has ever heard, and despite his utter embarrassment he knows he’s at peace.

 _They_ are at peace.

Morning comes with the brightest sun, as well as the brightest smile on Jacob's lips Kevin has ever seen. They don’t talk about it, but Jacob kisses him right as he wakes up, kisses him after they shower – separately, sadly – and kisses him right before they leave, so it makes him think that there may be something more between them now.

He still doesn’t want to ask just in case this is just him wishful thinking.

With the car fixed and their phone reception back to normal, they realize there isn’t much left until they finally make it to Hyunjae’s. Kevin does give Jacob the aux cord this time and Jacob beams that they are finally able to listen to some good music, drawing a chuckle out of Kevin with just how excited he is.

Hyunjae’s family vacation home is _huge_ – they already knew that, but actually seeing it feels like a surprise every time. Which he’s glad to, and he’s sure everyone else is as well, because then it means they don’t have to cramp their rather large group of friends into tiny rooms. Kevin parks behind Sangyeon’s car, relieved to have finally made it and more than ready to have a relaxing weekend away from all his university problems.

They find everyone by the pool area, either enjoying the nice warmth of the sun or playing volleyball in the most chaotic way possible – which makes Jacob almost squeal, grabbing Kevin by the hand and hurrying over so they can play as well.

“Everyone, look who’s finally here!” Chanhee screams from his lounger, pink sunglasses perched on the tip of his nose.

And then everyone stops like they’re fucking celebrities to look at them, the ball hitting Juyeon in the face when he fails to catch it in other to look at them as well.

“What the hell happened?” Sangyeon asks with a furrow of his brows. “We tried calling you two all night.”

“We—”

“Wait a minute,” Sunwoo cuts him off before he even has the chance to say anything, a brow raised at them. Kevin knows that, if it weren’t for his sunglasses, he would definitely be able to see him squinting at the two of them. “Why do you look so glowy?”

A pause.

Changmin gasps loudly.

 _“Oh my god!”_ Chanhee screams again, scrambling off his seat. “Did you two finally fuck?!”

“W—”

“Oh my god, you _did!”_

The screaming doesn’t cease, and Kevin knows he can’t escape from them.

This is going to be a very, _very_ long weekend.

**Author's Note:**

> if you've reached this point, tysm for reading!! kudos and comments are always appreciated appreciated! you can catch me on my [tbz twitter](https://twitter.com/changminize) and [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/changminize) anytime!


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